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Entrust is a very valuable and high notion in terms of both content and its depth in meaning. When we hear that word “entrust” that sometimes has a sacred content, all of us feel the shakes a little bit; an excitement, a state of fear and shivers engulfs our body. And at that moment, we encounter something unknown that we will never be able to find a response to. And some events, experiences and betrayals come to our minds as if we passed through a tunnel or interrogation. 

The concept of entrust, which has a deep meaning, may change one of the most basic instruments forming or manifesting our own personalities due to its meaning. For instance, think how the phrase and concept of “betraying the trust” depicts us humans. The word “entrust”, which is exclusive for us only, finds its main meaning in the religions roots and phrases. Every single thing that we saw with our own eyes in this mortal world is entrusted to us. This may be a life, goods or a word, a secret or a holy object. While asking, none of these goods belong to you, what is it that you cannot share? None of those lives belong to you, what is it that you fight for?” Mawlana Jalaluddin-i Rumi points out this simple truth that everything is entrusted to us. 

And our Irish friend, one of the main character of this meaningful story named 'Entrusted Money', lives in the Muswell Hill region north of London. Our Irish friend, whose name will be kept for this moment, was a very good car racer in his youth, which is the reason why he is included in this story. This Irish friend living in the house that they rented has a cancer patient and two daughters. Our Irish friend, who was drowning in money in his youth in a flamboyant life, started to fail to provide for his family as time went by. In other words, the mercilessness, destructive aspect of life took the stage there and showing its ugly face, turned the happy life of that beautiful life into hell. The beautiful concept called happiness was far away from that family. That Irish friend, who valued the sacredness of family and never appeased from his life with personality, was doing all he could in order to stand his ground despite all these unfavorable things and not to surrender to the merciless rules of life, working day and night. Because he had a cancer patient wife and when he had married her, they promised to be together in good and bad and protect each other. And it was time to fulfill that oath and show that sacrifice. Because a cancer patient mother and two beautiful daughters were in question.  

Aware of all these, our Irish friend wanted to do all he can to be a good family man. The man was clutching all the straws in order to support his family under these harsh conditions, to provide for the school expenses of his daughters and economically contribute to the cancer diseases of his beloved wife that was costly. The man was both dealing with some construction works during the day, while working as a taxi driver at night in a mini cab office. Trying to sustain a life within such an intense working tempo and that crazy rush, that desperate man could not even sleep well and even could not see his beloved daughters. Time and conditions were working against the family and their desperate situation started to became a nightmare for them. For the condition of the mother got worse. She needed to undergo surgery and be treated immediately. And while our good-hearted Irish friend was looking for a way out of that desperate situation, somebody called him late at night. The person on the phone wanted to meet him that night. Our Irish friend got dressed quickly after that surprise phone call and went to the place said on the phone.  It was a place similar to car mechanics and three people were waiting for him there. After a brief introduction, his friend who called provided him some information regarding the work. And it was a drug job as his friend told him. And in the end, everybody would win.  

In order to pull such a dangerous job off, they needed a driver who was adept at driving. And since their own friend, who would drive the car that night when the drugs would be received, suddenly disappeared, they urgently needed a good driver. And due to such a need, they called him for this job. Since one of them knew our Irish friend very well and that he drove excellently, he suggested him to the leader of the gang. Everything was broken down to every detail and they said that, if all ended well, they would pay a total of 50.000€ to our Irish friend. And in exchange of that money, they only wanted him to drive very well and protect that bag full of money to be delivered to him in case of any danger. 

The Irish could not make out what to do or say upon that dangerous offer that brought such a heavy responsibility. Because he was both a good family man, a role model person and did not want to shame himself and his beloved family due to such a dishonorable crime. The man was torn between. Economic problems of his family, health problems of his wife and the education status of his daughters. And on the other side, getting caught for a dishonorable offense and doing time for years. However, that desperate situation he was in and his wife's progressing cancer simply forced him to accept such a dishonorable job. Because it was the period when money talked and all doors opened for it. And all the existing problems would be solved thanks to damn money, one by one. Money was solving the problems of the people; on the other hand, forcing the people to commit various crimes and destroyed their lives and imprison their bright future.  

The attraction and irresistible indispensability of money that forces us to commit crimes showed its ugly face once more and left our Irish friend in a desperate situation.   It seemed that that dirty, evil money was victorious once again. And the evil product named money showed its power and invited our Irish friend to commit a crime. That desperate man who had been trying to find a way to get treatment for his good-hearted life for weeks finally had to accept that dirty work and left the place to meet the drug mafia to meet at late night.  

Drug jobs were dangerous, dishonorable, evil; it poisoned people and it included many betrayals and plots and the betrayal was costly in that dark world. However, despite all these, the evil thought or demand called betrayal stepped in there and there was a very fierce conflict between the two parties at the delivery point. And after the police got involved in this conflict, it turned into a bloodbath. Our Irish friend, who was then waiting in the car along with the money delivered to him, quickly started the engine in line with the instructions given to him by the group leader and got away. Because the money in the bag entrusted to him had to be safe.  

With that thought, a hot pursuit started between our Irish friend, leading in front and a few police cars following him late at night in the empty streets. Being a very good race driver in his youth, it was almost impossible to catch our Irish friend. With such an exciting pursuit, our Irish friend felt like he did in the old days. He did not feel such excitement for a long time. Just like taking flight, the man was crossing those streets, alleys and junctions one by one. It was impossible to restrain, catch or constrict him like that. 

Despite the fact that there was a former racer at one side and the sleepless guards of London nights at the other, a pursuit that included Enfield, Edmonton, Tottenham, Wood Green, Turnpike Lane, Manor House, Stamford Hill and finally Stoke Newinton occurred. When a police helicopter illuminating below got involved in this great pursuit, things became more colorful and exiting. There were sights that seemed to come out of movie scenes and our Irish friend was like the leading role, the main hero of this scene. But it was a very bad movie and the scenario would tear the hearts apart. 

After this relentless pursuit and chasing that lasted for hours, our Irish friend started to feel a little bit tired. How long could he escape like this and continue this relentless pursuit? It was a matter of time before he got caught and he could have an accident at any moment. The man did not even want to think about such a danger under those circumstances. For as soon as he was caught, he would be taken into custody, convicted and put to jail; the money entrusted to him would be seized and he would get a very heavy sentence after being tried. Not to end up like this, the man wanted to enter an alley next to the famous Yucatan Bar and disappear.  

It was like three o'clock in the morning and life-weary Veysel Baba, who wants to disappear in a matter of speaking by means of throwing himself to the night life that is full of colorful lights after the heavy blows received in his harsh conditions, left
Yucatan Bar after finishing the night shift of fun. The man could not stop even after spending all the night and day by drinking. However, it was time for him to go home since it was high time for the bar to close. Throwing himself to the world of drinks as a weary warrior who lost the battle in this war of existence, the man desperately left the bar and went towards the bus stop across the streets. At that moment, even the sirens of the police cars in a relentless pursuit and the rotor of the police helicopter drawing circles above did not attract the attention of that politic-weary man. Somehow, a young lady who was simply waiting at that bus stop being disturbed by a few punks attracted the attention of the man who went towards the bus stop. The man intervened the incident quickly and kept those punks away from there. Since that man was known very well in the region and those young people knew him well, they did not resist much. 

That young lady waiting at the bus stop thanked the man who displayed a good hearted and brave gesture. Accustomed to such scenes in the mysterious night of London, our Veysel Baba responded to the young lady that it was not a big deal. And there was a big silence between those two people waiting at the bus stop until that bus came. Two people, waiting for the bus on the bus stop while the city was sound asleep late at night, were waiting that bus having just finished their days. 

And it was like some magical powers intervened and brought these two people from different worlds together late at night.  

When the bus that they were waiting came shortly afterwards, they got into that bus to go to their houses. The bus was not very crowded on this early morning hour. Most of the people hitting the road so early in the morning worked at the heaviest jobs. Those people working in municipality works, in private companies or firms or health sector were actually on the top of the list of the people to be respected. Because thanks to the people working in heavy jobs that require a lot of responsibility such as collecting garbage, cleaning, gate keeping, security officer, transportation, carrying, mail distribution, chauffeur and nursing, this system continues without interruption.   

Seeing those good people hitting the road that early on the morning to procure the indispensable order of the city life, Veysel Baba felt absence, shame and embarrassment in himself. That courageous man who had defended the rights of laborers, workingmen and all the people working hard and who had paid prizes for them became the part of the capitalist system that he had always objected. And that politic-weary was crumbling away in this system. And that unwanted situation was like a certain defeat for him. The capitalist system full of colorful lights won once again and that legendary man, before whom all those fascists, torturers, thieves and co-conspirators simply trembled, turned into a monument of shame, admitting defeat in the night clubs. 

Veysel Baba thought all of these in the bus in which he hopped in with a sleepless, run-down state of mind. He felt more alone, guiltier and more embarrassed. The man wanted to get home and fall into a deep sleep in order to face the real truths of life further and not to suffer anymore. While Veysel Baba, who was questioning himself then, the bus he was riding suddenly came to a stop. Because the main road was closed to traffic by the police and did not seem to open. When the driver said that the bus could not go any further and they had to wait for the traffic to open, the passengers immediately got off the bus and decided to continue on foot. 

There was a big accident at the area further surrounded by the police and under these circumstances, it looked impossible for the road to be opened for traffic again in a short period of time. Living not far from the place of the accident, Veysel Baba said to himself: “Instead of waiting desperately here in this bus, I can get home easily with a few minutes of walking. And I can sober up,” and decided to get off the bus like the others. Just as he got off the bus, he noticed the young lady he met in the bus stop. When I said, “This road is not going to open up. You can come with me if you want. There is another bus line a little bit further where you can go anywhere you want. I can accompany you until there,” the young woman accepted the offer. And our Veysel Baba and the young lady got off the bus and continued. Later, when they came to the place where the accident occurred, they witnessed the awfulness of the incident and learned from the police line that the person causing the accident vanished without a trace from the police pursuit, wounded.  

The police helicopter simply soaring above and trying to illuminate the streets below in order to locate the escaping person was like an indicator that the incident was not an ordinary accident and the wounded person disappearing after the accident was not an ordinary man. A conversation started between Veysel Baba and that young lady who were walking late at night. At that moment, they seemed like they did not want this road to end. However, the young lady was working in a hospital and had to rush to work. They were walking quickly, talking and exchanging phone numbers. Having helped the young lady to get on another bus around 4.00 pm at night, Veysel Baba continued his way with a great feeling of happiness. 

One of the favorite things of Veysel Baba, who was one of the regulars of the night life, was to wander around the empty streets and vacant pavements in the early hours, while London was sound asleep. While the man was wandering all alone in these empty streets, he was dreaming and trying to solve the fundamental code of life. When he came hear that Shoreditch Park and on the road that he walked to get home, his endless dreams and visions became more colorful and more limitless. And when that dreamy man came near the Shoreditch Park that where loved in order to dream new things, wanting to walk that path of dreams and get home, he noticed a sound coming from the bushes at the corner of the park. And when he went towards the sound, he notice a man with a completely bloody face. Veysel Baba wanted to help that man immediately. His head was cracked open, his ankle was broken and he lost a lot of blood.  

Pulling himself together a little with the efforts and helpful behavior of Veysel Baba, that unlucky man said with a fearful tone, “If you really want to help me, then take the bag right there and walk away, now. Because right now, the entire London police is after me and this bag full of money. I could not run away further for my ankle was broken and it does not seem possible for me to get away like this. However, the bag and the money in it that was entrusted to me must not be obtained by the police. It is a matter of time before the police catches me like this. What I want from you for now is that you take this bag full of money and hide it somewhere until I find you. It is my life and my family's lives on the line and there is a promise made to someone. I will never forget what you did. And I will absolutely return the favor,” and took some paper out of his pocket and continued:” Here's my home address. And there is a person needing urgent surgery in that house. I wanted to do such a favor my wife to have surgery and continue her treatment in very good conditions. But when the betrayal happened, I got away not to be caught but when I did that, this happened. Take 50.000€ from this bag and give it to my wife. But be careful. The police may monitor my house closely after that. I will be in jail for a long time after getting involved in something like this. In this period of time, you both protect my family and the entrusted money in that bag. I will find you after I got out of the jail. I'm saying this a person who hurts right now. Being desperate may direct one to do unwanted things. Please protect what I entrusted you and don't hang around here further. I don't want you to get caught while the police is searching for me everywhere. Take the bag and leave,” and delivered that bag full of money to Veysel Baba.  

While the police helicopter was soaring above and the police was narrowing the circle more and more, Veysel Baba decided that he should not stay at the middle of that park no longer and walked away. The man passed through that dreamy road and got home, the bag filled with the entrusted money at hand. Dreadfully he got out to his house's balcony and checked if anyone had followed him. Because he got involved in a very big and dangerous thing. He could fight everyone, but it was almost impossible for him to fight the drug mafia under those circumstances. And he had to protect that money entrusted to him. Besides, there was a promise. 

END OF CHAPTER

18/05/2016 Veysel  Baba - Kinder House, London

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The humankind as a creature with the ability to think can easily discriminate good and evil, good deeds and sins, justice and injustice, joy and sorrow, beauty and ugliness, celebration and grieving, embracing and betrayal; adopts the most appropriate one for himself and continues to live. But that path full of ordeal and sorrow is hard, full of many obstacles and junctions; like a place of test and choices and preferences; it's both exhausting and long, loaded with joy, happiness, tears and mourning. 

And what brings the humanity to the victory or defeat in this life that is full of ordeal is the critical decisions and choices that we make at these junctions. These critical decisions may bring us endless happiness, as well as taking us to those sorrowful, sad days. And in that path full of sorrow and love, some of them see what matters and value spirituality and march towards that known future in a very determined way. 

Faults and wrongs are doors towards new discoveries and truths. People reach the truth by making mistakes. If there were no mistakes or wrongs, the truth would not have any meanings. There would be no evil if the good did not exist. There would be no good deeds if the sins did not exist. There would be no angels if the devil did not exist. There would be no life if death did not exist. There would be no heaven if hell did not exist. For good is with evil. For sin is with good deeds. For life is with death. For differences and oppositions are like reasons for each other's existence. “Hell is other people,” says Sartre, trying to convey us the fact that the people create their own heaven and hell with their own hands in this harsh life. In other words, both heaven and hell is in our hands. Our mind, logic and experiences are what will decide for this. All the mistakes and wrongs made in life takes us to the true path eventually. As long as our conscious and humanitarian feelings allow it. 

“Make such choices in life that the things you gain will be worth for what you lost,” says great revolutionist Che Guevara, giving us one of his most meaningful messages. Because those choices and preferences that we initially made sets our roadmap, creating our fundamental identity. And thanks to those choices and preferences, while some of us just float towards the endless evil, some of us sail towards that beautiful things like an angel, a flower of love. 

Life is like a theater stage. And there are good and evil on that stage. And on that theater stage, while some people with malicious intentions play their most evil and cruel plays and simply cooperate with the devil in order to set the world on fire; some people with good intentions stage the most beautiful and humanitarian plays, cooperating with the Lord and His angels to pull all the world and the entire humanity to a heavenly life. And there, while on that theater stage, we create several dreams and form visions in our way and follow some fiction. And those dreams and dictions form our future life and the most basic points of our lifeline and aids and leads us the way to form our fundamental identity and the manifestation of our fundamental personality. 

And at this point, some of them succumb to the evil intentions and demands and keep chasing the endless evil, while some of them, just like our Veysel Baba, excludes all the evil desires and demands and commit to a harsh struggle to make love, peace, fellowship and friendship sovereign in the entire world. For there will be no good, beauty and mutual understanding where love does not exist. Because love is with good and beauty. And it is impossible to keep people and societies together and meeting them at the common ground or values where love does not exist. When the notion of justice, which creates the societies and keeps them together, is shaken one day or simply destroyed by people with malicious intentions, the societies suffer a lot and along with this suffering, they find themselves imprisoned in these dark tunnels and endless wells and just like our Veysel Baba, in cold cells. 

That tired, desperate and miserable man, who was arrested with a plot of betrayal since he called all these cruels, brutes, thieves and tortures to account for one by one and he rejected all the injustice, inequity and inequality and who suffered inhuman torture, naked, in these cold cells, thought all about these in that dark and cold cell. He thought how he had been betrayed by the people who shared the same cause with him. He thought of his miserable, run-down, alone state in that cold cell, without food and water for days. He thought of those torturer cops, their state of mind and their monstrous actions. He thought of those iron bars, the dark cell, that concrete floor and his nakedness. He thought of those tortures done several times a day with cold water and how those torturer cops, once afraid of him outside, turned into fake heroes there. 

And thinking that he was at the edge of life in that cold cell; after all those disappointments, leavings and betrayals, Veysel Baba was at the point of defeat. For he was then alone and left by himself. For he was betrayed by his beloved friends and trusted comrades. And at that moment, thinking that he was at the end of the line, Veysel Baba said to himself: ”Veysel Baba! The man who made the streets tremble once! The man who drew the line for all those burglars, thieves, cheaters, co-conspirators and lackeys and who put the biggest fear in their hearts! Where is that man before whom all the enemies trembled like a leaf in the wind? Where is that man who calls all the torturers, brutes, cruels, co-conspirators, lackeys, toadies, thieves and burglars to account for one by one? Where is that guy who started to walk a path to take back the rights of laborers, workingmen, poor, oppressed, exploited and those whose labor was stolen? Where is that man who fought a courageous fight to make the poor villagers heard and gift them with a hopeful future? Where is that man who once said 'All those oppressed, exploited, all laborers, villagers and all the people in the world are brothers'? Where is that man who took from the rich and gave to poor? 

Poor Veysel Baba! Was that really the job of such a desperate, poor man like you to change or bring order to this world? Look, you are stabbed in the back, betrayed, left to that endless loneliness, imprisoned, thrown to these dark cells and imprisoned to unknown, your freedom stripped away from you. And you are like a shadow, a corner stone, a minion put to the board, an instrument in this war of existence. Many of those like you paid many prices like you in this hard life and suffered from so much pain for that right cause. 

And you, Veysel Baba! See, you are left alone in those dark cells, for loneliness. Who is looking for you while you are exposed to the most brutal tortures when you are all alone; do you have a friend or a comrade? Do you? And isn't it time to accept that all those beautiful dreams and hopes are gone one by one in the dark environment that lacks freedom and turned into shadows,” he criticized. And he decided that if he survived that place and got his freedom back, he would choose a new path for himself like a weary warrior. Because at that point, he was a weary warrior. Because at that point, he was a betrayed warrior. Because at that point, he was a lonely warrior. Because at that point, he was a warrior that was forgotten in those cold cells. Because at that point, he was a warrior that was left to his fate. 

And on an autumn night, they set that man free, who was spiritually, mentally and physically devastated. That man, who was exposed to all types of torture for weeks without food or water, was too exhausted to walk. The torturing brutes who saw that they could not crack him finally released him. However, the man was almost half-dead in his run-down state. He could not look at the sunlight since he had been in the dark. There were many wounds on his body due to those inhuman tortures. He was all skin and bones since he was starved for weeks.His feet could not carry him no more and he kept fainting. Even in that condition, the man did not want to go home and endanger the people waiting for him there further. Because he was the director of an illegal organization and was being followed by the military junta. Knowing all these very well, that politic-weary man made a close contact with some his friends with the same cause and asked for their help. However, scared of his situation, his friends shut all the doors to him and left him alone with his fate. 

In that desperate and exhausted state, he was all alone in that big city. Staying in the cemetery for a few days, the man went to his old shelter as he evaded the people following him. He was safer in that shelter and he could plan for the future easily there. First, he tried to regain his health, which he lost due to torture, at least to some extent. When he felt like himself after a few weeks, he started to call for those cops that tortured him to account for in line with a certain plan, in their own language, one by one. That stubborn spirit of the warrior that he inherited from his ancestors took his rains again and forced her to take vengeance again. Otherwise, if he did not call those brutes, torturers and killers to account for, he would not be able forget those days full of torture for his entire life and he would always regret since he could not finish an unfinished business. 

After doing everything that he thought one by one, that weary man left his beautiful, painful country on a spring morning. Because he may be taken, questioned and tortured inhumanly in these dark cells again. And his already worn body may not be able to survive a second detention or torture. In addition, as long as that fascist, military junta reigned in the country, it was not possible for him or other revolutionists, socialists or progressivists to live. Finding a way and leaving his country under these harsh circumstances, at that point, that desperate man wanted to leave all experiences, memories and dreams behind. And London, that tired city, full of rain which hosted Karl Marx, one of the founders and masterminds of the socialist ideology, might be a safe harbor for him as well. 

Coming to London after leaving all the dreams behind, the man rented himself a room. Later, he applied to the related office of the Ministry of Interior Affairs to obtain a legal residence permit via a lawyer. He man adapted very well to the region he lived for a short time. He made new friends and pursued new things, had new habits. The started to work as a painter to provide for his daily needs. He sometimes old pictures and wrote signboards for newly-opening work places. In the periods that he earned good amounts of money, he tried to visit the antique shops, second-hand stores and spend time there. He loved to interact with new people and talk to them on painting and antiques. And after getting known in this mysterious city that he arrived and making a name, that man directed himself completely towards antiques and painting. Even though it all seemed good in the beginning, in time, some health problems started to manifest for the man. Some sudden epilepsy-like faints, panic attacks and depressions, traumas and fear seizures manifested themselves again from time to time and made his peaceful life a nightmare, hell. Those nightmarish, dreadful days and these sudden blackouts and panic attacks knocked his door again. The man seemed to return his old days after a brief period of happy days. It was like those livable moments and times called happiness were forbidden to him, unhappiness being his mere fate. The man seemed not to be such a bad person and did not do much evil things. However, some secret powers or beings were like trying very hard to test him further and make him feel more pain. And that beautiful thing called happiness was beyond a dream for him. The inflammatory diseases that he had in his childhood period and the hits taken on the head during these tortures damaged both his brain and the entire body. They initially diagnosed him with epilepsy and treated him. His sudden blackouts and fear seizures became so bad that the man did not dare leaving the house or bathing alone. 

Those hard, nightmarish days were the first signs of a new period for him. Yet, this unlucky, troubled man came to this country and this mysterious city to start a new life and forget that painful days full of ordeal in his country, at least to some extent. However, his bad, unfortunate fate did not leave him alone there. Firstly, they gave him disabled report due to his heal problems and put him on unemployment payroll. And that unlucky man, in order to get used that new situation, started to paint and tour those antique markets from time to time. In this way, he wanted to exclude himself from being useless. And meanwhile, he was helping those people who illegally entered that country, aiding them all means necessary to remain in the country and obtain legal living permit. There seemed to be no obstacles before that man who solved how the system worked and how the political wheel turned. None of the refuge requests personally written and filled by that man with a lot of knowledge in political issues, ethnic issues and sect issues were responded negatively. And so, many people obtained legal permit in this country with his direction and applications written by him. 

The people who obtained legal permit to live now faced with the problem of a house to shelter. The money paid by those refugees whose economic status were pretty poor to the hostels and the houses and flats they rented was almost gone. Veysel Baba who wanted to find a way to solve this came up with the idea of the empty houses belonging to municipalities. And he organized the young people around him, having the empty houses belonging to municipalities assessed. And with the aid of the black teenagers, which were pretty good at that; first the doors of those houses were broken and equipped with new keys; electricity connections were made, gas problems were solved and delivered to its new owners in exchange of a fee. Thanks to the role model works of Veysel Baba and his friends, the house problems of hundreds of people were resolved. And these houses, which had been empty for a long time, was duly painted and furbished and made more well-kept; the new tenants of these houses, which was not protected by the municipalities, would protect them. And thanks to these new tenants, the municipalities had new rent income. 

And thanks to the role model behavior of our helpful friend Veysel Baba, the people both obtained legal permit and a house in which they could stay safely in that country that they just came. That politic-weary man, meanwhile struggling with his own health problems, was also struggling to solve the problems of the people who came to that country with a lot of hope and keep their hopes regarding the future fresh.  And thanks to his role model behavior, the people around him started to call him Veysel Baba. The people in his country would call him Veysel Baba during the dark periods that he dealt with politics and loved him a lot. However, as the military junta came to power, all the doors were shut to him and all those people whom he helped pretended not to know him, probably due to the fear of that military junta. Would a similar thing occur in this country and would those people surrounding him while walking on the streets forget him in time? 

The cruel face of life showed itself there in that country. That tired man who tried to embrace everyone and solve their problems as much as he could was forgotten in time. The people who had cared about that life-weary man once started to pretend not to know him as they obtained their residence permit, solved their house and language problems and possessed a certain degree of power in terms of economy. The painful, self-seeking face of life reeking of betrayal and benefit found him there again and showed its ugly face. It was an expected process for Veysel Baba and it would not be surprise to meet such an end. Because the forgotten, dusty pages of history held a lot of experiences of betrayal and sad leavings. Knowing that very well, Veysel Baba told to himself in the state of mind that he was in: “Goodbye, dazzling crowds. Goodbye, crowds full of betrayal. Goodbye, crowds full of benefits. And welcome back, meaningful loneliness. Welcome back, the endless loneliness that made me who I am and gave me meaning.” 

“The loneliest is the strongest,” says H. Ibsen, meaning that the person who are able to be alone would be very powerful in time. For loneliness forces a person to think and understand life. Goethe comments about this as follows: “Loneliness is just a word. So easy to say, so difficult to carry.”    “People become alone since they build walls to the places where they are supposed to build bridges,” comments Isaac Newton on loneliness. However, as Veysel Baba, although I built such bridges and removed such balls in this life full of ordeal, I was left to that deep loneliness. “The worst loneliness is to be with some people,” comments Paul Valery about this. While saying that, Paul Valery actually means how alone he is among those empty and dry crowds and hypocrite, self-seeking people and how it became meaningless. “I love loneliness, because it does not leave me alone,” says J. Davies, almost describing me and my state. Because that phenomenon, lifestyle called loneliness does not leave me alone even if I want it to. And that creator force called God seems like he wants to test me in the endless loneliness in which he exists as well. For loneliness is the most noble and deep concept regarding the Almighty God, the reason of our existence. 

“The ability to be alone is the only condition for the capability of love,” says Erich Fromm. Thoreau also comments on the issue: “Actually I was not alone when I was alone,” almost describing me. Because when I am left alone, I reach the fundamental truth, return to my main dreams and obtain that spiritual satisfaction. Andre Gide says, “Those afraid to find themselves lonely can never find themselves at all,” meaning that loneliness is one of the biggest means for a person for the formation of his fundamental personality and attaining his fundamental identity. And he continues:” Do not run away because of hopelessness. Hope is beyond hopelessness. Overcome it. You will find the light beyond the dark passage.” That valuable person Epiktetos takes a different perspective and says: “When the doors are closed and lights are turned off at night, don't think that you are alone in your room; because you are not.” 

Reading those beautiful quotes with a lot depth, that lonely man Veysel Baba came to a new stage of decision. And in order not to hurt more in his further life and not to be disappointed, he made some decisions. So, those useless crowds, empty lives, benefit-based relations, fake friendships and artificial fellowships ceased to have meaning in his future life. And at that point, that nights full of alcohol and full of colorful lights were waiting for him somewhere. Feeling like a betrayed wretch, that politic-weary man dived into the nightlife of London full of colorful lights so deeply that nobody encountered any marks or signs related to him. And years followed years like that. Until that man, within that sea of loneliness, found himself and reached the fundamental truth. 

END OF CHAPTER

04/05/2016 Veysel  Baba - Kinder House, London

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Every person has a lot of memories and experiences, good or bad, especially regarding his childhood years. People mostly live with those memories. They are supported by them and shape their futures by boosting their spirits with them. For those moments and the past is the main element, factor or ground that makes a person human and valuable. For a person exists with those memories and his background. The life given to a human cannot be separated from his past. In a matter of speaking, the future of a person is hidden in that beautiful past, which includes a background full of memories, practices and experiences. When people feel like stuck or want to feel good sometimes or to experience an intensity of emotions, they embrace those memories and their past. And they always go back to their innocent childhood years. And tears go by at that moment, an emotional moment engulfing their body instantly. 

First they remember their devoted mothers, then fathers and then their beautiful siblings. Their first walking moments, the moment when they started to talk, the moment they started their first school; those classmates, those good teachers; those birthday parties, young years, first love games, love escapades, little lies, the betrayals, lovelornness, sleepless nights, devastations, exhaustions and a lot of bittersweet moments and incidents flash before their eyes. And after a brief moment of intensity of emotions, they learn lessons from those memories and experiences and continue living. For the mysterious of the future is hidden in the person's past and the person is valued with that past. 

Now when I think about it, I realize how beautiful, epic and beyond dream my past that is filled with a lot of good and bad memories, my childhood years were. And in fact, the life in that small mountain village where there was not electricity, radio, gramophone, cassette player, phone or TV was very natural and innocent. My childhood years, gone like a fairytale and a dream, have had their places in my emotional, beautiful world. And they will continue to do so. Because in those years when the technology has not reached there yet, the feelings and thoughts of the people living in that village were not contaminated yet; the people living in that small mountain village did not experience those evil desires yet and the greedy demands called competition did not come to the borders of that village yet. And in those years, some capitalist demands or approaches such as obtaining wealth and capital; being rich, worshipping materials had not sieged that small mountain village yet.  

And my life in that small mountain village where spent my six years like a dream as child ended with a sudden decision of my father. Some economic reasons and some family issues led my mother and father to make such a decision. After that decision that upset me a lot in these years, we had to leave our beautiful village and move to the city. And then for me, the beautiful, epic days of my childhood were like gone and hidden in somewhere beyond the mysterious Kaf Mountain of the fairy tales. And I even remember how sad I felt and how I cried when I looked our village where my best days were gone for the last time over the hill at the end of the village, like yesterday. My best memories and most joyous life incidents were always at those small mountain village. And because of these, my memories from those childhood years and the good days I lived at that village still keep their best places in my inner world full of dreams.  

And during the period when we started a journey towards a new life when I was just six, I saw and knew the first car, bus, truck, trailer; the first asphalt road, traffic lamb, terminal, train, train station; the first pavement, police point, electricity post, electricity lamb, telegram post; the first phone, radio, gramophone, cassette player; the first post office, cinema hall, hospital, doctor, dentist, grocery store, greengrocer, restaurant, tailor, barber, shoe polisher and money. Surprised, I felt like passing to another world from a different world. 

And then, our wait in the train station as a family together, the movement of the train, its acceleration, going through the dark tunnels, that existing sound it makes and the people boarding and taking off at every station were all very exciting for me. As a person who had not been in a car or train, I felt like going to another world during that train trip. At the moment when I thought I started a mysterious journey, I realized how beautiful it felt to watch outside from the train and see new places. It was very, very beautiful to see and know those mountains, plains, fields, forests, rivers, villages, towns, provinces and train stations one by one. It was very good to wave to those shepherds grassing down the animals or villagers working in the field. And the things I saw, experienced and all my menaces during the train trip that lasted almost two days left deep marks on my endless imagination and caused great changes in me. 

However, for a child that was only six years old and that had not been out of his village, who could have known that those beautiful, epic days that he once lived in that village were over with that journey in the train and that a lot of suffering and drama would come and be lived from then on? 

And with that train trip, those dreamy, epic days were behind for that little boy. That decision made by the head of the family would have caused many negative developments for both the family and that little boy. And it did. 

Because they firstly faced with the language problem in the city where they just moved. Nobody could spoke the language of the city where they moved, except for the father. And therefore, the people living in that country would see that small family differently. They saw them as foreigners. Other kids playing in the streets did not befriend that little child and did not even include him in since he did not know the language. However, that little child overcame all the obstacles and problems in a few months and became one of the most successful students of the school. And he even got many first place awards in the trivia contests organized traditionally among primary schools. New successes and first place awards obtained in the sports branches followed these. Nobody could stop him then. Having solved that language problem, that little boy was curious about everything, hungry for information; wanting to know everything and reach new knowledge. 

However, they put the ethnicity and sect problems in front of that little family. Those problems, which had been experienced in that country for centuries and caused many pain and drama, finally knocked the door of that family. The family did not and could not have any faults regarding this issue. Because their language, ethnicity and sect was a legacy from their ancestors. All of these still continued to survive in these sacred lands filled with culture and the culture mosaic that hosted civilizations. And taking advantage of that, some political formations and religious groups probed those ethnicity and sect problems further, almost looking as having a purpose of political benefit and pouring gasoline on the fire. And those behaviors, aiming for the easy things in essence, those political thoughts caused much pain to the people in every era. And it continued to do so. 

All those discriminative behavior, the distress and exclusions became unbearable for that small family. What was happening outside then reflected in the house and the mother of the house started to blame the father for all these. She was blaming him for taking them out of their beautiful village and dragging them to such pain. Fierce arguments started to occur between the mother and father of the house that consisted of five people. Constant arguments, fights and some domestic, social and economic problems started to become a nightmare upon that family. Yet, they had left that small mountain village with good dreams and hopes and came to that lands that they did not know. However, those hopes were almost gone and those dreams that they dreamed for a better future were lost one by one. The mercilessness of life and the difficulty of survival eventually showed their faces to that small family. Hope was far away and seemed to remain there forever. And there was not an environment that would bring that hope from there and blossom it again. 

And in these years, due to ethnicity or sect issues and political formations, houses and districts started to be separated from each other. No groups were able to enter the district or region of the opposite group. There were sometimes armed conflicts between the districts and people were keeping watch to defend their districts from the attacks of other groups until the morning. And the attacks in which averagely four or five people died every day became normal. And the political groups started to fight over their dominance areas. In other words, the leftist groups started to start a process of fighting, existence.  

And those domestic, social and ethnic problems; sect discriminations and these political formations started to brew some storms in the inner world of that young man, our Veysel Baba. That young man, in the period of adolescence, slowly started to ask questions to himself and seek answers regarding the things happening around him. Some fascist constituents that were taking advantage of the fact that a rightest coalition was ruling the government slowly occupied all the state offices, police and school administrations. And that young man, exposed to the discriminative policies and behavior of the fascist constituents occupying the administration in the school, started to be involved in politics. He then wanted to call those administrators, rightest fascist constituents that were discriminative towards him in the school to account for what they were doing. He planned to take revenge from those brutes, vampires and horde of killers that made them suffer for centuries for his ancestors. The young man, who became a rebellious person in a short period of time, could not be stopped anymore. It was like the oppression, discrimination and grudging, hateful build-up of centuries turned into a fire of rebellion in that young man. And that young man, who wanted to set a new path, a new route for himself, was about to take a dislike of that previously-loved education life. 

And upon the suspension given by the school administration, there were no choices for that young man but to be involved in armed combat. And it happened that way; that young man became one of the political leaders of the region where he lived. First, he called those fascist administrators that expelled him from the school to account for and punished them in their terms. Later, he questioned those lackeys, toadies and thieves that act together with that fascist government one by one and gave them an unforgettable lesson.  

Now an organization leader; organization, illegal formation and the objectives were much clear and indispensable for that young man. Even during his young age, that young man planned and organized many actions and attacks in detail without compromising himself and his group. And he had the opportunity to extend his political perspective that had been weak until then. He started to see, know and interpret the world with a different perspective and thought that it was an honor for him to join the revolutionists that aim to end the injustice between the oppressing and oppressed.  The prophets that claimed to have been sent by God for thousands of years failed to have the result that they want and could not end all the injustice, despite giving their audience communities some sacred messages.  Some evil desires appeared in that sacred path that invites the people to righteousness, honesty and a just life and the beautiful future of and the entire humanity was just lost in the hands of some savages, brutes and people with malicious intentions. Those people, attached to carnal desires, organized among them with the development of the industry and laid the foundations of the capitalist system. In order to draw the line for and to stop this greedy capitalist system that is based on exploitation, theft and stealing the labor of community and efforts of the laborers and villagers, those great revolutionists, thinkers and guides came to the stage one by one and simply left after giving the best messages and most valuable fights. And thanks to the role model fight fought by those good people, brave revolutionists under those harsh conditions, all the people in the world, all those oppressed, exploited and laborers, workers and villagers made great gains. For instance, we can include many social rights such as occupational safety, life safety, right to work for eight hours, equal price for equal work, rights of vacation, strike, resignation, compensation; unemployment aid and right of retirement and many social gains. 

And those brave revolutionists, human rights defenders and those organizations and people without boundaries still continue that intense struggle aimed to expand all those gains and actualize them in other parts of the world. Seeing this distresses that are experienced more intensely in the whole world, our teenager Veysel Baba took those great revolutionists as his role model and started a very harsh struggle. And it seemed that that young man, came to the leader position in the illegal formation, had no option but to take up arms under the harsh circumstances of those days. Because at that period, some formations such as counter-guerilla provoked all the people in the world towards each other and discriminated people as leftists and rightists, leading the way for those military juntas to rule or seize the government. And these deep and illegal formations with foreign sources sometimes handle the ethnicity and sect problems and even religious discriminations among the people and take the things to a different level. And they did all of these to help those military regimes and junta to come to power. Actually, the method was very easy; however, it was not easy to understand such games under those circumstances. People and countries had to support a side in that two-poled world and clarify the lines. 

A similar play supported by the counter-guerilla started to be staged in the country where our Veysel Baba lived. And after the conflicts occurring sometimes between the districts, political groups, religious groups and ethnic groups, that fascist military junta that they missed a lot finally seized the government and a state of siege was declared all around the country.  It was forbidden to go out after a certain time at night and leftist people were taken from their houses and brought to some places unknown. People were first tortured by some dark powers and then collectedly were executed by shooting. And even in these dark times, since he was wanted, our Veysel Baba became more illegal and protective. The man was taking some precautions not to be captured under those harsh conditions and meanwhile, attacking these districts where people with opposing views live along with a few men, sometimes extorting the business people that steal the people's labor; sometimes sealing off the roads of those fascist cops and call those torturing officers to account for.  Whatever they did, whatever precautions they took, they could not capture him. The man was suddenly appearing in an unknown location, calling out some people to account for what they did and disappearing. It was like a curtain of secrets surrounded and protected him. And it evolved into such a state that those fascist cops, torturing officers and these betraying, fascist constituents cooperating with them were trembling like a leaves in the wind when they heard his name. 

That young man and his friend group was pursuing justice in a region under their dominance. They were calling those fascist and torturing constituents to account, while extorting the bosses that leech and steal the labor of the people, just like they understood. Taking from the rich and giving to poor evolved to such a state that people started to call him Veysel Baba. Thanks to the rank of 'Babalık' (Fatherhood) whose concept has a very sacred place in the Alevi-Bektaşi belief that is a product of Anatolia, the Balkans were 'Islamized' or they adopted the belief of Islam. The concept of Babalık manifests itself in four ways in Turkish tradition: 1. The person who founded the family, head of the house. 2. The person who starts to lead the underground world after doing some dark deeds. 3. The person ruling a community and teaching them the requirements of the belief in Alevi-Bektaşi belief. 4. The person who watches over the poor, taking from the rich and giving to poor, just like our Veysel Baba. 

And while everything continued like this, that evil concept and thought called betrayal finally came and found one of Veysel Baba's friends. And on the morning of a cold winter day, Veysel Baba, never considered to be thought, was trapped by those fascist cops. After a long conflict, out of ammunition, that brave man desperately surrendered. That brave revolutionist, caught upon the betrayal of a very trusted friend, was almost exhausted while being taken to the political office. They tortured him in that interrogation and starved him for days. They wanted him to provide all the information regarding the organization he was in, its leaders, the illegal formation of the organization, the actions it had committed in the past and the weapons that the organization possessed. Despite he was exposed to all types of tortures that a human mind cannot conceive, that stubborn man never talked and did not give the information required by them, sell his friends or appease his role model personality. After such a resistance, those torturer cops stripped them naked and threw them in a dark cell. And in that dark cell, they wanted to make him crack with a different type of torture: stripping him naked on a cold, concrete floor with cold water. Those inhuman tortures made with cold water continued for days. 

Exposed to torture for days in that fascist junta period when any laws or rules were not duly applied, that desperate, miserable man was not allowed to see anyone. They did not even allow a lawyer to see him. It was a dark period when the fascist junta came to power and every day, hundreds of revolutionists and socialists were subjected to most brutal tortures in these interrogation rooms and hundreds were 'lost' there. The two sides were almost fighting for existence and destruction. It was a period when darkness and evil reigned. And a period of many betrayals, selling out the causes. It was a period when the good and evil and darkness and light blended into each other. And the hope seemed to remain behind the Kaf Mountain in the fairy tales. His dreams, his beautiful hopes on the future of the humanity were trampled on by the military junta. 

Losing his hopes, the man was almost semi-conscious after the inhuman torture made to him. The days blended into each other in that dark cell and concrete floor; days or nights did not matter. The man still tried to remember that small mountain village where he was born, as he was alone in that cold cell, trembling. How great and epic it had been to dream by looking at the stars in the sky at night in the soil roof of the house and to sleep with these dreams. It was great to remember the cooperation between the women washing clothes by the river. And whenever he was tortured with cold water by those torturing cops and shivered on that cold flagstone; he realized how beautiful it had been when his mother had warmed him up with a bowl of hot water when he called out “Mother, I'm cold!” Who would have kept him warm when he was tortured by those fascist cops with cold water on the cold ground and naked and pour a bowl of hot water on him whenever he yelled “Mother, I'm cold!”? 

END OF CHAPTER

20/04/2016 Veysel  Baba - Kinder House, London